today is my mother's birthday. we put new flowers on her grave, ate out, and had cake in her honor. we put rainbow candles on her cake. after 6 years it still feels like she is just on a long vacation and will be home any day. sometimes i still get excited when i see my car in the driveway (it used to be her car) and for just a moment i forget that she is gone. those moments are both the most depressing and the the happiest moments of my life. im really not looking forward to her not being at the wedding. i still would give nearly anything to go dress shopping with her.
i did have a very wonderful dream about her last night. nearly every dream i have about her has one thing in common, her comming back and telling us god made a mistake so she gets to live again. im depressing myself again.
now to the happy part of the day!
i also got a new bible. my other one is for note taking and such while my nice, new one is for just fun reading and prayer of some sort. still dont want to call myself a christian since im having a hard time beliving in jesus among a few other things. but my new bible is so pretty and is all bright green which is my favorite color ^.^ my new one doesnt have any of the red letter stuff though, but my old one does so i still get to read it all. my old was was the cheapest one at the store and you can tell it was made cheaply. my new one is all soft and wonferful and has flowers pictured into a cross shape. its very nature looking which i love.
ive also gotten my new glasses and i hope to wear them somewhat often. they feel weird but fit properly so its just cause im not used to them, they make my nose itch. i also hope the fiance likes them, we will find out this weekend.
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