today is my mother's birthday. we put new flowers on her grave, ate out, and had cake in her honor. we put rainbow candles on her cake. after 6 years it still feels like she is just on a long vacation and will be home any day. sometimes i still get excited when i see my car in the driveway (it used to be her car) and for just a moment i forget that she is gone. those moments are both the most depressing and the the happiest moments of my life. im really not looking forward to her not being at the wedding. i still would give nearly anything to go dress shopping with her.
i did have a very wonderful dream about her last night. nearly every dream i have about her has one thing in common, her comming back and telling us god made a mistake so she gets to live again. im depressing myself again.
now to the happy part of the day!
i also got a new bible. my other one is for note taking and such while my nice, new one is for just fun reading and prayer of some sort. still dont want to call myself a christian since im having a hard time beliving in jesus among a few other things. but my new bible is so pretty and is all bright green which is my favorite color ^.^ my new one doesnt have any of the red letter stuff though, but my old one does so i still get to read it all. my old was was the cheapest one at the store and you can tell it was made cheaply. my new one is all soft and wonferful and has flowers pictured into a cross shape. its very nature looking which i love.
ive also gotten my new glasses and i hope to wear them somewhat often. they feel weird but fit properly so its just cause im not used to them, they make my nose itch. i also hope the fiance likes them, we will find out this weekend.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
im back
and i come home with a little more money thanks to my new lucky belly ring lol.
i had fun on my trip and friday wasnt that depressing at all. i did cry a little when i was alone but i felt better afterwards.
right now i need to make a birthday cake because my mother's birthday is tomorrow. i still need to go and pick out some flowers for her grave.
and to make matters worse the fiance's birthday is this weekend! ive got no idea what to get him. i hate this month, so much stress lol
not much else is going on today. my sister has a big test today so i hope she does well.
i had fun on my trip and friday wasnt that depressing at all. i did cry a little when i was alone but i felt better afterwards.
right now i need to make a birthday cake because my mother's birthday is tomorrow. i still need to go and pick out some flowers for her grave.
and to make matters worse the fiance's birthday is this weekend! ive got no idea what to get him. i hate this month, so much stress lol
not much else is going on today. my sister has a big test today so i hope she does well.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
fun weekend ahead
im heading off to atlantic city tomorrow nice and early in the morning. im hoping to sleep the entire way since its such a long drive. yes i would like to win it big but rachel luck isnt that greatso ill probably lose my money. im going with my friend, her mom, and her mom's friends. since her mom is such a high roller at the casino we will be staying at evrything is free, the food, the drinks, and the rooms. im going mostly for the food and to get my mind off things
this friday is the anniversery of my mother's death. it will have been 6 years since that horrible day, its hard to believe its been that long yet at the same time it feels like forever ago. usually me and the family just sit at home and dont talk to each other much. i hate it. luckily i have a wondrful friend who ill be sharing drinks and good food with. good food always gets my mind off of things. (thats right guys, if i go to hell then i go to hell for eating)
i will miss the fiance course. he wants me to call him while im up there. i hope i remember to this time lol. i force him to put up with so much. luckily im not a party girl, i just enjoy going out for drinks with just one or 2 friends every few weeks, and gambling every few months it seems.
ive also been playing prototype. ive hardy touched the plot and am still near the start of the game. ive mostly just been screwing around and killing people, seeing how far i can throw them, throwing cars at people, gliding around, throwing people some more. all in all its a very fun game, violent, but fun. they use the f bomb alot at the begining and i come from a family that hardly curses so that was fun to listen to while my dad was in the room.
also if i make any sort of profit this weekend ill post it right away..... so dont expect to hear from me until i get back
this friday is the anniversery of my mother's death. it will have been 6 years since that horrible day, its hard to believe its been that long yet at the same time it feels like forever ago. usually me and the family just sit at home and dont talk to each other much. i hate it. luckily i have a wondrful friend who ill be sharing drinks and good food with. good food always gets my mind off of things. (thats right guys, if i go to hell then i go to hell for eating)
i will miss the fiance course. he wants me to call him while im up there. i hope i remember to this time lol. i force him to put up with so much. luckily im not a party girl, i just enjoy going out for drinks with just one or 2 friends every few weeks, and gambling every few months it seems.
ive also been playing prototype. ive hardy touched the plot and am still near the start of the game. ive mostly just been screwing around and killing people, seeing how far i can throw them, throwing cars at people, gliding around, throwing people some more. all in all its a very fun game, violent, but fun. they use the f bomb alot at the begining and i come from a family that hardly curses so that was fun to listen to while my dad was in the room.
also if i make any sort of profit this weekend ill post it right away..... so dont expect to hear from me until i get back
Saturday, January 9, 2010
it was a good day that started out bad
yup, the fiance and my dad talked today about house stuff, or rather what i assume was house stuff, my sister and i were in the other room. so far so good, we just need a bit of money for the down payment but after that i will be master of the house! and yes, i have been listening to songs from les mes again lol damn my love of theatre.
but yes, today started out with me screaming and kicking. my shower went well until after i was getting out and i kept on sneezing so my freshly shaved legs just prickles up and got spikey. then i was in my room trying to find a fitting pair of pants. i had an entire pile on my bed and not one pair fit, and i dont have any long skirts and i cant go out with just a top and my panties. well i finally found some pants from the late 90s, you know, the ones with pictures sewn into them. well after some more looking and my sister giggling at my expense i found a pair of pants imy mother got for me back when i was 14 that suprisingly still fit decently well. i felt like i was squeezing into a hot dog skin. yeah, i can turn men on lol and also i cut my bangs because they were too long again the other day, and as usual i had cut them far too short. i dont know why i do this, every single time i cut my bangs im not happy with the end result and pray to any god who cares to listen to make my hair grow out and hide my bad cutting skills. luckily future hubby was late so i had extra time to panic (yay)
also my new pleco refuses to eat the algae pellets, but he is eating all the green growing around the tank so i cant complain. i hope he fattens up soon. im also looking forward to upgrading my tiny 20gal to a 55gal. then maybe one day ill have the space for that beautiful 200gal at the store near the fiance's house. i think i would just fill it up with bottom feeders. screw pretty colors and active swimmers, give me a slow moving, spiny catfish any day. and for those of you who dont know plecos are a type of catfish.
i also just finished watching angels and demons with my dad and sister. it was almost as predictable as the divinci code, but still a good movie. my favorite character lived!!!!!! i wont spoil the movie so i wont say who it was.
im really looking forward to moving out, but im stilla bit afraid and unsure because ive lived in the same house with the same people since i was 4 years old. i dont think the fiance realizes how i feel about this. ive tried explaining it to him but he is either being difficult or just doesnt understand. it can be hard to tell with him sometimes but thats part of the suprise i guess. either way it doesnt matter much. moving out is something i need to do and im happy ill be moving in with someone who i love so much and to the best of his abilities, tries to understand what goes through my mind.
and im really starting to warm up to the idea of getitng a pet ferret (the fiance and his dad want a ferret instead of rats) but i dont like the idea of living without vermin. i guess we would ge tthe ferret first and depending on its personality ill decide wether or not i want rats from there. ferrets are fun but rats are so cute and smart and give you all their love in the short years they have with us. rats are as close to god as i think we will ever get until we die. they are the perfect animal besides for their sad endings, but the love they give us while they are alive makes the pain worth it
ive also made a new folder on my myspace for all the pictures people have drawn for me, shanna66. all of this art is based off of my avi on gaia of course, but still. shanna66 already has a bit of a fanbase lol.
speaking of my internet adventures, someone online asked me questions about fish! i have very little confidence in my fish keeping abilities and im always bothering people for advice. i felt like this was a stepping stone. im only confident in giving advice to some species of reptile, leopard geckos mostly since they are my favorite reptile to keep. yes i know they are simple lizards and everyone starts out with one, but they are my favorite. im a slave to the humble leo.
but yes, today started out with me screaming and kicking. my shower went well until after i was getting out and i kept on sneezing so my freshly shaved legs just prickles up and got spikey. then i was in my room trying to find a fitting pair of pants. i had an entire pile on my bed and not one pair fit, and i dont have any long skirts and i cant go out with just a top and my panties. well i finally found some pants from the late 90s, you know, the ones with pictures sewn into them. well after some more looking and my sister giggling at my expense i found a pair of pants imy mother got for me back when i was 14 that suprisingly still fit decently well. i felt like i was squeezing into a hot dog skin. yeah, i can turn men on lol and also i cut my bangs because they were too long again the other day, and as usual i had cut them far too short. i dont know why i do this, every single time i cut my bangs im not happy with the end result and pray to any god who cares to listen to make my hair grow out and hide my bad cutting skills. luckily future hubby was late so i had extra time to panic (yay)
also my new pleco refuses to eat the algae pellets, but he is eating all the green growing around the tank so i cant complain. i hope he fattens up soon. im also looking forward to upgrading my tiny 20gal to a 55gal. then maybe one day ill have the space for that beautiful 200gal at the store near the fiance's house. i think i would just fill it up with bottom feeders. screw pretty colors and active swimmers, give me a slow moving, spiny catfish any day. and for those of you who dont know plecos are a type of catfish.
i also just finished watching angels and demons with my dad and sister. it was almost as predictable as the divinci code, but still a good movie. my favorite character lived!!!!!! i wont spoil the movie so i wont say who it was.
im really looking forward to moving out, but im stilla bit afraid and unsure because ive lived in the same house with the same people since i was 4 years old. i dont think the fiance realizes how i feel about this. ive tried explaining it to him but he is either being difficult or just doesnt understand. it can be hard to tell with him sometimes but thats part of the suprise i guess. either way it doesnt matter much. moving out is something i need to do and im happy ill be moving in with someone who i love so much and to the best of his abilities, tries to understand what goes through my mind.
and im really starting to warm up to the idea of getitng a pet ferret (the fiance and his dad want a ferret instead of rats) but i dont like the idea of living without vermin. i guess we would ge tthe ferret first and depending on its personality ill decide wether or not i want rats from there. ferrets are fun but rats are so cute and smart and give you all their love in the short years they have with us. rats are as close to god as i think we will ever get until we die. they are the perfect animal besides for their sad endings, but the love they give us while they are alive makes the pain worth it
ive also made a new folder on my myspace for all the pictures people have drawn for me, shanna66. all of this art is based off of my avi on gaia of course, but still. shanna66 already has a bit of a fanbase lol.
speaking of my internet adventures, someone online asked me questions about fish! i have very little confidence in my fish keeping abilities and im always bothering people for advice. i felt like this was a stepping stone. im only confident in giving advice to some species of reptile, leopard geckos mostly since they are my favorite reptile to keep. yes i know they are simple lizards and everyone starts out with one, but they are my favorite. im a slave to the humble leo.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
update on the life of a rachel
im still waiting for my sister to get my fable 2 game back from her friend. once i get that thing back i can continue my fable blog.
ive also put down one of my pet rats myself. it was very sad and yes, i cried. i dont look forward to the next time i have to kill one of my babies. he had been sick for a while and was in pain. on his last day alive all the other rats gave him lots of kisses and he tried out the wheel for the first time. when he was done he walked onto my hand and we went to the gas chamber i had made. he got to eat alot of treats right before i put him down. but i still feel bad, but its nice to know he isnt in pain anymore. the fiance and his dad want us to get ferrets instead of rats. i told them i would think about it but i really love rats, sad endings and all. plus when my hair is really messy i can put a rat on my head and this my hair becomes a rats nest. (bad joke, please at least giggle)
we are also havigna bit of trouble with getting the house. im not sure whats going on but the fiance and my dad refuse to talk to each othr about it and are making me the middleman. im getting to deal with all this crap when they should be talking to each other. ill have to take a more offensive aproach to this sometime once i get the guts.
ive also gotten another pleco! so far ive got 2 now, greengot and caine. caine is my new guy and is a black and white butterfly pleco. he is super cute and is alot braver than my other pleco. i had to put him into my 20gal right away because he popped the bag on the way home and water was leaking out to i just put him in the community tank with everyone else out of panic. so far no one is dead.
ive also cleaned my room with the help of my best friend. if any of you have met me then you know im a pack rat and like to keep everything....EVERYTHING
ive also cut my bangs but i accidently cut them too short! they are a bit above my eyebrows and i hate them. i hope they back fast because im going to atlantic city next week to gamble away what little money i have and to eat alot of awsome foods
ive also put down one of my pet rats myself. it was very sad and yes, i cried. i dont look forward to the next time i have to kill one of my babies. he had been sick for a while and was in pain. on his last day alive all the other rats gave him lots of kisses and he tried out the wheel for the first time. when he was done he walked onto my hand and we went to the gas chamber i had made. he got to eat alot of treats right before i put him down. but i still feel bad, but its nice to know he isnt in pain anymore. the fiance and his dad want us to get ferrets instead of rats. i told them i would think about it but i really love rats, sad endings and all. plus when my hair is really messy i can put a rat on my head and this my hair becomes a rats nest. (bad joke, please at least giggle)
we are also havigna bit of trouble with getting the house. im not sure whats going on but the fiance and my dad refuse to talk to each othr about it and are making me the middleman. im getting to deal with all this crap when they should be talking to each other. ill have to take a more offensive aproach to this sometime once i get the guts.
ive also gotten another pleco! so far ive got 2 now, greengot and caine. caine is my new guy and is a black and white butterfly pleco. he is super cute and is alot braver than my other pleco. i had to put him into my 20gal right away because he popped the bag on the way home and water was leaking out to i just put him in the community tank with everyone else out of panic. so far no one is dead.
ive also cleaned my room with the help of my best friend. if any of you have met me then you know im a pack rat and like to keep everything....EVERYTHING
ive also cut my bangs but i accidently cut them too short! they are a bit above my eyebrows and i hate them. i hope they back fast because im going to atlantic city next week to gamble away what little money i have and to eat alot of awsome foods
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